110 - How to Get Your Home Ready for Visitors When You’re Already Overwhelmed

Summary

In this episode of Decluttering Untangled, Heather Tingle discusses the pressures of hosting during the festive season and offers practical advice for making your home welcoming without overwhelming yourself. She emphasises the importance of setting boundaries, managing expectations, and focusing on key areas of your home to create a comfortable environment for guests. Heather encourages listeners to embrace imperfection and prioritize their mental health while navigating the challenges of hosting.

Chapters

00:00 The Pressure of Hosting During the Festive Season
04:01 Creating a Welcoming Environment Without Overwhelm
09:00 Simple Sensory Tweaks for a Cozy Atmosphere
12:13 Setting Boundaries and Embracing Imperfection

Transcript

Heather Tingle (00:01.016)
Hello, Untanglers, and welcome back to another episode of Decluttering Untangled with me, your host, Heather Tingle. Today, I wanna talk about something that is very real for a lot of people right now, me included, especially this time of year, and that is the thought of visitors. So we're coming up to the festive season. It's the time where we're meant to socialize. joy. Yes, that was me being sarcastic. Visitors.

people coming over when you already feel overwhelmed and the pressure that that puts on your home, your energy and your nervous system. So this episode is a little compassionate guide to making your home feel a little more welcoming without masking it, without burning yourself out, without beating yourself up and without trying to do absolutely everything because let's face it, life is busy. So the main one.

That awful shame of my home isn't good enough. In my head, if you are allowing someone into your home, then you should be comfortable enough with them to see you, what's in all. And if that is not the case, that is on them, not you. Okay? So, that is your Heather Says It's Okay permission to say to someone, actually, now is not the right time right now.

or can we come to you or this is us, I've tried my best, take it or leave it. If you want to judge me, fine. And really work on that being okay. And I know that is really, really hard to do, but knowing that your home is the way it is for a million and one reasons, none of which they are privy to or they may be, but it is not your fault.

and you don't need to feel bad about it. And if someone's making you feel bad about it, they do not get permission to come through your door. So, if the thought of someone coming through that door makes your stomach drop, you are not alone. I definitely felt like this for a very long time. And I think lots of people, especially if you're neurodivergent, carry quite a lot of heavy shame around your home. Fear of being judged, the way people think you're lazy, you're not, or that you haven't got your life together and that panic...

Heather Tingle (02:22.072)
that you should have maybe sort of this years ago and every year is same issue or once again you're running around like a headless chicken and that makes us feel bad. Please stop feeling bad. Your home doesn't need to be perfect. What it does need if you are inviting people in, it needs to be safe, it needs to be warm and it not be a health hazard basically. So, I think one of the issues is that...

we can kind of be on tenterhooks when visitors come. So they disrupt our routines, they change the energy of the space. get nervous, don't we? There's extra noise, extra conversation, extra sensory input. For me, I have to think about having different type of milk in house because I don't have dairy milk. And there's a lot to think about to be a host.

So you've got to host, you've got to chat, you've got to remember who drinks tea, who has oat milk, who has normal milk, keep an eye on where people are going, is everything out of the way, and it's a lot, you know? And for me, especially, you know, being autistic, unpredictability feels unsafe. So for lot of neurodivergent people, the stop and start of hosting burns us out really quickly. Now, knowing all this does not mean there's something wrong with you.

What it means is your brain and your body are reacting as they're meant to. You are worrying justifiably probably, and you just need to find a way to ease that as much as is real possible. So going back to basics, and this is not about big D clutters, this is about risk management, I guess. So there's three areas to focus on, which will make the biggest impact.

So this is where I tell you, you're not gonna declutter your entire house in a week or a couple of days or even like this side of Christmas. It's not likely unless you've got unlimited time and unlimited energy, which if you'd got that, you'd probably need the motivation to go with it. And you probably haven't got that because if you had, you'd have done it by now. So you don't need to do a deep clean. You don't need to get everything perfect. It is not gonna be a show home and it does not have to be.

Heather Tingle (04:39.966)
most people will only see three areas and they are the entrance to the home. So, first of all, you need to decide where they're coming in your house. Are they coming in through the front door, which maybe you never use and it's got a load of shoes in front of it or it's been dumping around like a porch area or are they coming in through a side entrance or a back door? Which way are they coming into your home? And whichever way they are coming into home,

It's fine because it's your decision as to which entrance they come into. So decide on that to start off with. So you need to think about your entrance area. Then you need to think about where they're going to be sitting. So while you're going to be sitting in the kitchen, is it going to be really relaxed or they're going into the dining room because you're having Christmas dinner or you're going into your living space because it's sitting on the sofa with a cup of tea or a glass of wine? Where are they sitting? Where are they going to be the majority of the time?

the bathroom, because let's face it, someone needs a way, can't get them, you can't tell them to leave and go somewhere else. They're going to have to go in your bathroom. So the bathroom, there is a fourth option, obviously, is if they're staying over the guest space, which is always going to be hard work because it's always going to be the dumping ground. So this way will probably mean you're going to have to move the dumping ground to a different dumping ground for now. Unless you want to go through it.

which I am working on the premise that you do not have the time, effort and energy to declutter these spaces properly. So we're gonna do damage limitation rather than full on declutter. So that would be, can you put things in the garage? Can you put things in the boot of your car? Can you put things up in the loft or attic? Have you an outside space, storage space that you can put things into for short term? Can things go in cupboards, under beds, not hidden, but like organized away somewhere else?

Have a look at those. Now these are the spaces that guests are gonna like notice and these are the ones you need to concentrate on because these are the ones that are gonna make it feel a little less stressful and you're gonna feel not too bad about. So that's where you're gonna focus your energy on. You're gonna close doors to everywhere else and give yourself permission to do the minimum that still feels good. So you need to do a walkthrough. Imagine you are an estate agent. So think of it as if you were selling your house and you are looking at those specific places. So instead of thinking in each other, the living room, you're going to look at the pathway to the living room. You're gonna walk in, stand at the front door and imagine the steps.

route from the door to the sofa, route from the sofa to the kitchen, the path from the hall to the bathroom. Clear that space. So concentrate on things like the floors, not having things you're going to trip over. So boxes or bags, fine, but things in little individual bits or wires that someone's going to trip over. Think about what's on the stairs, because if stairs are really narrow, that's going to make life difficult for someone going up and down them. And concentrate on those.

So instead of lots of individual items, putting into one bag and only having one bag there equals one item and it looks less stressful. Look at the flat surfaces that they would see. if you've got, for example, the sofa, what can you clear off that sofa so they've got a clear space to sit? Is there a table outside of it where they would put their drink? Can that be cleared? A few items being moved are,

moved and hidden away will make a difference. A couple of items chucked into a basket or a bag will make a difference. A quick vacuum will absolutely make a difference. A quick dust will make a difference, but you're not having to do everything, not like going into a deep clean here. We're looking at what is noticeable, what can be seen and look about creating a little touch of calm without necessarily touching the rest of the room. The rest of the room

can be a disaster zone, but if they've got somewhere clear to sit and they can walk without tripping over something, then that is okay. Now, I know it all does sound like a lot when you're massively overwhelmed, but we are talking damage limitation. It doesn't necessarily need to make a big impact and everything being perfect. You're just making it so they're not gonna hurt themselves. And they've got a place to sit and a place to relax where they can concentrate on having a conversation and being with you.

Heather Tingle (09:31.107)
I think the main thing that people don't think about, which can make a huge difference, is small sensory tweaks that make a space feel lovely with very little effort, because that's what we're all about. Turn off big overhead lights and put a lamp on. Really soft lighting can look really nice. I cannot stress this next one enough. Lighting a candle, as long as it is not...

If you've got a very, very full house and lighting a candle means you're likely to burn your house down, please don't do it. However, having a really nice smell in your home will make a difference. Now, generally, if you've got a very full home, we do not open curtains, we do not open blinds, we do not let light in and we can get a musty smell without realising it. It can go nose blind. So what happens is you can't smell your own house.

Opening a window and having some fresh air coming into your home will make a huge difference to how it feels when someone first walks in your home, especially if you've got animals of any description, because you won't notice that smell. So if you can light a candle, if you can open a window, even though it's freezing, know, allow some fresh air in, that will make a huge difference and a real positive as well. Put on gentle background music that soothes your own nervous system.

throw a blanket over the corner of sofa, so it hides, you know, that pile of clothes or papers, that is okay to do. These things will change the feel of a room instantly and they cost almost no energy to do. So look for those little easy wins, like something smelling nice, having some fresh air coming in, using throws and rugs over things to hide light clutter is okay. And I would really...

like you to consider how you can do that with less energy and less stress.

Heather Tingle (11:36.655)
But also, I would really like you to be able to say no to unplanned visits because you all need boundaries to protect your peace and your own mental health, especially in December because December, think, is one of the most frantic periods in our calendar. And it's okay to say something like, you know what, tonight's really not a good night for me, but I would really love to see you soon. Can we plan a time that works better for my energy? Or I've got so much going on right now.

Can I message you later when I know when I'm available? So you've got a bit more time to like sort the house or do you know what? I'm really struggling with the house at the moment. Is it possible you can host this time, but I will host next time? It's not rude. It's respectful. And people get a better version of you when you're protecting your energy and how you feel. Because if you're not going to be able to relax when someone's there, that's not the best version of you. So let's really...

say it's okay to say no like actually I don't mind you coming over for the day on Christmas day but it would be too much for us at the moment for you to stay over. Would a local hotel be okay or are you all right just coming for the day but not staying any longer because we're really struggling right now and we could do with our own space that is okay to say and it doesn't matter who it is you're saying it to.

And remember that good enough is good enough. Perfection is not a goal. I actually heard today for the first time a really lovely quote, which I liked, and I don't know if I've got this right, but it was, perfection is the opposite of doing good. And that was quite an important thing for me to get my head around. And perfection isn't the goal. You don't need to show home. You don't need to hide every sign that people live in your space.

And you don't even need to hide that you're struggling because you're human being and you're allowed to struggle. So don't make other people make you feel bad about it because if they're making you feel bad, then they're not nice people, quite frankly. So there you go. And remember, people remember how you make them feel, not how your skirting balls look, not if you've got stuff on your stairs, know, quick with around your toilet with some cleaner. Harpic black is amazing if you're in the UK, by the way, leave it overnight. And it really makes a massive difference.

Heather Tingle (13:57.87)
But you know, as long as it's not grim, then it's okay. Honestly, a relaxed host in a lived-in home feels far more welcoming than someone who's frantic in a spotless one where you don't put a cup of tea down in case you leave a ring on something. So, you know, bit of Heather love right there. So have a bit of a plan and think about the hour before your guests arrive. So, you know, clear the entrance, figure out a path, look at the seating area, put your dirty dishwash...

put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher, put them away. Try not to shove things in your cooker because you're in your oven because you'll forget about them and then you'll turn them on and then you'll melt something. So, try not to use that as a shoving place. But put things where they need to go, put them in bags, less individual items, more whole ones. Throw blankets over so you don't have capacity to sort out. Close the doors that you don't want people going into. Light a candle, open a window.

get yourself a drink and just like sit down and go, it's okay. Take a few minutes to just breathe in all honesty. Okay, I've rambled on for far too long. I hope this is gonna be something to think about. If anything I'm saying you're finding useful, can you please leave me review even if it's just clicking light on some stars for me because it only takes a couple of minutes but it makes a massive difference to it whether or not it's shown to other people. So I will love you forever if you can.

So until next time, remember you are not alone. Be kind to yourself and keep untangling.