112 - How To Stop Moving the Same Piles Over and Over

Summary

In this episode of Decluttering Untangled, Heather Tingle discusses the common struggles faced by individuals attempting to declutter their homes, particularly those who may be neurodivergent or dealing with hoarding tendencies. She emphasises the difference between actual decluttering and the act of churning, where individuals may feel productive but are merely moving items around without reducing clutter. Heather provides insights into the emotional aspects of decluttering, the importance of making decisions about what to keep or let go, and offers practical strategies to break the cycle of churning. The episode concludes with encouragement to start small and be kind to oneself throughout the decluttering process.

Chapters

00:00
Introduction to Decluttering Challenges

02:48
Understanding Churning vs. Decluttering

05:41
The Emotional Impact of Churning

08:56
Strategies to Break the Cycle

11:49
Building a Positive Decluttering Habit

Transcript

Heather Tingle (00:01.006)
Hello, Untanglers, and welcome back to another episode of Decluttering Untangled with me, your host, Heather Tingle. Now, today, I wanna talk to you about something that comes up pretty frequently with clients that have tried decluttering before reaching out to me. And that's the experience of tidying and organizing for what feels like absolutely ages. So working up a sweat, moving pals around, spending a whole day getting really into it and doing what they think is decluttering.

sorting things into neat little piles, rearranging a shelf, and then looking up and thinking, how have I spent eight hours and my home looks exactly the same? I don't feel like I'm making any progress. And if that is you, you are not failing. You are not bad at this. Your brain is not doing anything wrong. You are stuck in something I call shuffling, but I think other people call it churning. And it's one of the most common patterns for neurodivergent people with clutter.

And it is especially prevalent for clients that struggle with hoarding disorder as well. But it's not exclusive to hoarding disorder. It can just be a feature of its own of being overwhelmed. So let's talk about what it actually is. There's lots of things in our homes that feel like decluttering, but only one of them is actually decluttering. And only one of them leads to less stuff. The rest is simply moving the same things around. And I think it's really important to have the distinction between tidying,

churning, organising and actual decluttering because for 99 % of clients what they actually need is to declutter and then organise and then tidy in that order, but no churning whatsoever. So tidying is putting things back where they should go. So they have a home and you're putting things back. Organising is grouping items together and finding systems that work for those items once they are tidied away.

Shuffling and churning is sifting or shifting the same pile into a new pile and doing that again and again and again. Often in the same room, the same day or it is declutter... what you think is decluttering and all it's doing is moving items from one area to somewhere else. It's not actually minimizing them, it's not decluttering them. It might be a bit of organizing in there because you might think,

Heather Tingle (02:24.78)
I'll try these things in this drawer. That's where they can go. They fit better there. And that's great. That is organizing, but it can just be churning in all honesty. I don't think that the difference between churning and organizing is organizing is done once the items have been decluttered and churning seems to be a more desperate attempt just to change something. So quite often, you know, when you're needing a dopamine boost, for example, you might move the furniture around in your living room.

because it's new, it's fresh, it feels better. And then a few months later, you move it back. That is a kind of a part of churning. You're not really doing anything. You're just moving things around. So hopefully that makes sense. Now decluttering is the part where something actually leaves your home. And I think that is the essence of what I want you to remember. Some of my clients, I do not take things away because what they actually needed was better organization

and better systems that worked with what they've already got. And actually they didn't need to minimize the volume at all. This is rare, but it does happen quite frequently with my clients because usually we've gone through the decluttering process and now we're just refining and organizing and creating the system so they work better. So this is when those pockets of spaces start to appear and we're getting on top of it. And that's when we do more organization. So I don't need to take things away because things have already been minimized.

But for some clients, they desperately need to reduce volume, but aren't managing it because all they're doing is churning and shuffling by moving things around. Now, churning and shuffling does make you feel productive because you are busy. You are working really, really hard. You are touching things. You are making improvements. You're making decisions because you are still making decisions, which is why it's exhausting. And you're telling yourself that once everything's in the right place, the room will make sense.

Your brain gets movement, a bit of novelty, a bit of dopamine, and it feels like control. And that is so sad when your brain catches up with the fact that actually you've not really done anything. The room does not change because nothing is actually exited. You have not minimised the volume, which is what you so desperately need. I would say most clients need to minimise volume before you do anything else. It is always a volume problem to start with. And now...

Heather Tingle (04:52.94)
Because the room hasn't changed, nothing's gone. It's not because you're doing something wrong. It's because shuffling or churning is your nervous system just keeping you safe. So probably need to explain this a little bit more. Now, I am not an expert in nervous system regulation. Please note, but these are things that I notice with my clients and what I noticed with me. And I think this is just my take on it. So I think that when you're overwhelmed, you're tired, you've been masking, you're burnt out,

The last thing your brain wants is high stakes decision making where it feels terrifying, like it's all or nothing decision making. And decluttering will ask questions that can't be undone. So do I want to keep this? Does this fit in my life? Am I ready to let this version of me go, for example? And shuffling and churning still makes decisions. So I wonder if that could go there. Well, maybe if I put that with that stuff and that would work. It's avoiding

discomfort of decisions that can't be undone. So you can shuffle things around as much as you want, but actually nothing's undoable, if that makes sense. so shuffling avoids that discomfort of making decisions that might feel too hard. And it lets you feel productive without any risk of regret or loss, except that later on, that short win of all that energy has been expended and you've been working really, really hard.

Later, actually, it's quite heartbreaking as you realise all your hard work was actually for very little. Things have temporarily looked a little bit better, but you've not fixed the main problem, which is your volume of items. So you tidy a pile, you move it elsewhere, you make a new pile, you shift things from one bag to another bag or from one shelf into a drawer, and you feel like you're one step away from it all clicking into place and you're desperately trying to figure out what that

one thing is it's not making the difference. Like, why isn't this working for you? Why do you not feel better? Why are things still in a mess? And then you keep on going, you keep on going. And that is all actually very normal. And I see it all the time. And people who work incredibly hard, people who spent hours doing their best, and it was their best. People who have pushed through that overwhelm and nothing looks or feels different because actually everything's still in the house.

Heather Tingle (07:12.556)
And none of this is laziness because you've worked really hard and this is lack of effort. This is your brain choosing the safest, least painful version of productivity. So how do we get out of this cycle without putting pressure on, which let's face it, we don't like pressure in this world. So you need to start small. You need to get used to letting items go. And I would say having a bag that you have got that you know,

You can put some easy wins in that are going. So choose one thing today that will leave your home. Not a whole drawer, not a whole bag, just one thing. Something low stakes, something that's broken, some papers, anything that is easy, a top you don't wear, but you keep moving out of the way. Just one thing. And that can interrupt that churn process. So when you next decide you're going to expend some energy on organizing or sorting, instead of

deciding you're going to sort, decide you're going to let go. And just finding some easy wins will tell your brain that exit is safe and it will build that pattern in your brain that you can let things go in an easy, non-stressful way and it builds trust with your brain that you can rely on your own decisions. So instead of asking, where can I put this? Ask yourself, what charity would like this more than me? Do I really want this in my future?

how many items from this pile can I let go relatively easily and see if you can do that instead of just churning and shuffling. And if you're struggling with this, then maybe go back to the easy wins episode 62, 63 to have a listen to those, see if there's any of those things that you can think, I could give that a go. You can start a mini competition with yourself over how many items you can let go in your next session. Now, I will say I never normally work

this way with my clients, because it is more about deciding what to keep rather than looking for items to let go. However, that's easy for me to do when I'm with a client one-to-one. And the reason I am there is to minimize and sort the problem out. So I will pick up on a client if they're churning and shuffling around rather than streamlining, letting go, organizing, or do what we needed to do. If I, because I will realize this isn't

Heather Tingle (09:37.775)
productive, we're not making headway with this. And I can call them out on that in a lovely way, obviously. Whereas when you're doing it by yourself, you might not notice it as much. So if you are struggling and you realize that you're spending a lot of time and effort and energy, but nothing is actually leaving, this is when you need to start and maybe twist it to be the other way around for a little while until you get used to things leaving the house. start when you're churning and shuffling.

Emphasis needs to be on items leaving rather than just keeping and reorganizing because you need to break that cycle of movement and energy effort without change. So if you recognize in yourself that you're shuffling and churning, just remember there's nothing wrong with you. It's a completely valid stage of the process. You are making life harder for yourself by including this stage of the process. But what it's telling me is you want change, you want things to be different, but something in your system

needs clarity and gentleness and kindness before it can make decisions. So maybe try and figure out what that barrier is. Is it overwhelmed? Is it just too emotional right now? Have you got too much going off? Are you mentally struggling? So those, that extra is just too hard for you. What are you sabotaging yourself for? Because there will be a good reason. It might be that you are thinking too far ahead and thinking,

I'm really gonna struggle letting go of these things. So your brain automatically goes, this is gonna be hard. Therefore, all we're gonna do is shuffle things around a bit. Now it's not a conscious decision, but if you hear yourself thinking before you start declaring something, I'm gonna find it really hard to let these go. Just watch if anything does go. And if it's not going, then it's likely that you're churning and shuffling. It might be a fear over resources. It might be worried about the exit plan.

it might be that you just worry about making the wrong decision. So you can learn to shift from movement to change and exit. You can learn to create exits. You can learn to make decisions in a way that feels safe rather than threatening.

Heather Tingle (12:03.074)
So to start tiny, celebrate what leaves. Now, if you've got my planner, you will notice that there is the exit bags that you can colour in and that can give you a dopamine where you can visually see how much you're getting rid of and that can be really addictive and a really good way to look at it. So start tiny, celebrate what you let go and try not to be hard on yourself because there's a reason why you're doing it this way. You're learning to work with your brain rather than against it.

and your brain is really clever. This is not good for us, but you know, it's really clever so it can learn really quickly, hopefully too. And that is where everything begins to change. So, hopefully you can be kind to yourself. Until next time, remember you're not alone. Be kind to yourself and keep untangling.