129 - How to deal with purchases that didn't work out

Summary

In this episode, Heather Tingle explores the psychological reasons behind the difficulty of letting go of purchases that went wrong and provides practical strategies to resolve this common decluttering challenge.

We've all been there. Something arrives from Amazon, Temu, or Shein, and it's just not quite right. Not quite what you pictured. Not quite what you needed. And instead of dealing with it, it ends up in a bag or a box, where it quietly sits, taking up space and mental energy, sometimes for months or even years.

Heather unpacks why this happens, including the role of the sunk cost fallacy (explored in more depth in Episode 20), and walks through the three options available when a purchase hasn't worked out: returning it, actioning it so it works for you, or letting it go. She covers the real barriers to returning items, including postage costs, missed return windows, and the particular challenge this presents for ADHD brains, and why gifts add an extra layer of complexity to the decision.

This episode is for anyone who has a pile of things they can't quite bring themselves to deal with, and needs permission to finally make a decision and move on.

Chapters

00:00
Understanding the Stuck Feeling

02:49
Psychological Barriers to Letting Go

05:50
Options for Dealing with Unwanted Items

08:36
Taking Action and Moving Forward

Transcript

Heather Tingle (00:01.358)
Hello, untanglers and welcome back to another episode of Decluttering Untangled with me, your host, Heather Tingle. Okay, so today I wanna talk to you about something that comes up so often in client sessions that I really think we need to dedicate an episode to it. And that's because over the past, I would say over the past month, I have had five untangled clients with this same thing of being stuck.

And it's a very specific kind of being stuck. It's not the general, I've got too much stuff, not the, don't know where to start. It's a very specific thing. So it's, I bought this thing, it's not right. I don't think I can send it back. And now it's just here stuck and I don't know what to do with it. So, you know, we all know it. We've all done it. The item from Amazon that looked perfect in the listing.

The thing from T. Mu, my word, don't even get me started on that company or Sheen or whatever that arrived. And it was not quite what you pictured or it wasn't fit for why you bought it. So that random purchase that made complete sense at the time at one AM when you're doom scrolling and now you opened it up, felt immediately disappointed. And now you're like, okay, I do not know what to do with this. It lives in a bag on the floor and a box in the spare room or the back of a drawer.

quietly judging you every time you walk past it because it's a stuck decision. And I want to talk a little bit about what's actually going on here psychologically, because I think there's a reason that these items are so hard to move on from. And it's not just because you're indecisive or you're disorganised. It's for two reasons. So your brain is doing something that every single human brain does. And for me, it's stuck. It's stuck for two reasons. So the first one is it's a lose-lose situation.

None of the options to deal with this item feel good. So we just stay stuck. We just put it off because we don't know what to do for the best. The other reason is the sunk cost fallacy. So for those of you that are aware, I actually did a whole episode on this. It's quite a deep dive. Episode 20, if you want to go back and listen to that one, that would probably be very useful right now. So go back and listen because it kind of explains the psychology in a lot more detail, but the short version is,

Heather Tingle (02:24.746)
Once you've spent the money on something, our brain treats that money as part of the item's value, even though the money has already been gone and spent and you're not gonna get that money back ever again, it is now being replaced by the thing. It doesn't come back, whether you keep it or not, it makes no odds. So holding onto something that you can't use just because you paid for it, doesn't give you that money back. It just gives you clutter and a feeling of guilt every time you look at it and you feel bad about it.

So the guilt part is why the item ends up in the back in the box or the bag, waiting for you to decide on it and it feels too hard because making that decision feels harder than just not deciding and just leaving it. It's almost like future you will be able to deal with it better, except future you will not be able to deal with it better. It will just be harder and you'll just put it off and put it off until future you absolutely has to do something with it. So be future you now.

What you don't want to do is for this item to just sit in this weird limbo, not being used, not being gone, just taking up space and making you feel bad for still not sorting it. So today, I would really like you to take some time and make the decision on it.

The reality is with these items, you don't have unlimited options. You've got three. Once you see them laid out, hopefully we can get to a decision today that gets bit less overwhelming and I want you to action it. So the first option, option one, return it. I do put this with a bit of a caveat because a lot of the time, the reason why we're having this issue is that returning isn't actually possible. So either you...

Realise that the window return is passed, you can always reach out to the company and see if they will honour a late return. Some companies might be prepared for them to say no, that's okay, it's within their rights, but the window return might have passed. Okay, so that might not be an option. The postage is one that I get a lot from my clients is the postage to send back would cost more than the item is worth. Okay, so that's not an option. And also let's face it, the faff factor.

Heather Tingle (04:38.538)
is real for a lot of ADHD brains in particular. Admin of organising a return is huge and it's just not doable for lot of these type of things. Okay. Sometimes it was a gift, which means returning it isn't even an option in the first place. And there's also then an emotional layer on top, which we don't need to unpack in this episode, but just know that keeping a gift you do not want out of guilt is not a requirement. So if returning is realistic and straightforward,

Do it. If it isn't, stop putting it on the back burner of a potential to-do list for future you. Because sometimes what you need to do is spend five minutes looking to see if the return is possible, actually doing that, looking at the dates, maybe requesting a return, whether that's a bag from them or a QR code or whatever, or send them an email to ask how do you return something. And so if you can return it, do it. However, if that's not possible, we move on to option two or option three.

So option two is to action it. And this is where you ask yourself, is there a way to make this item work for me? Is there a way I can fix it so that it works, so that it will do the job I intended it to do? Or maybe if it's not perfect for the original purpose, could it serve a different purpose? Could you adapt it, alter it, repurpose it? Sometimes this is possible. I reckon.

in all honesty, this is a bit of a long shot, but your brain will try and get to this point because it wants that whole, it'll come in handy one day and everything else is more difficult. And I might as just keep it in a drawer for if I do figure out a reason I can use it for. So be careful with this one. But if the thing didn't work as it was originally intended, it might actually be useful for something else. If you can think of something like that straight away,

and you can action it, do it, but be really honest with yourself. If making it like work would require significant time, money, effort, and you're still stuck with it because you're not quite sure how, that needs to be factored in as that, yeah, this isn't happening. Or if you're creating something for the sake of it just to use this thing, then also don't do it. You are not obligated to rescue this purchase.

Heather Tingle (07:02.286)
Okay, I want you to listen to that. You are not obligated to rescue it. Option three is the one that I really want most of my clients to be okay with, and that is letting it go. There's a few different ways you can let it go. Some will feel better than others. You can donate it if the item is in decent condition and it is not dangerous. And obviously you can go to a charity shop, local community group, buy nothing group, whatever makes sense. Somebody will get used from it. Brilliant.

you will get that clutter out of your space. No, you're not gonna get the money back, but you may, someone else might enjoy it and be able to use it for what they wanna use it for. Use it as a learning experience. You could also give it away directly to someone you know who might find it useful. Be careful, you don't wanna just pass the burden on, or you can just write it off. Sometimes the item has no retail value, it isn't in great condition, or it genuinely is not useful to anyone on this planet.

In that case, it is okay to let it go. Recycle what you can, dispose of the rest, however you would find easy, and accept that the cost of keeping it in your home indefinitely is higher than the cost of letting it go and writing it off. And the reason I want you to hear this is that the current solution that you have of keeping it in its bag or box is not a solution.

It feels like a solution because the item is outside and you've technically acknowledged it needs dealing with. Excuse me. But it's not a decision. It's just procrastination because this situation is not going to change by being given time. And deferred decisions have a cost. They just take up space in your home, space in your head. And every time you see that thing, there's a tiny little bit drain on your energy making you feel bad. So you are allowed to make the decision. You are allowed to action it.

give it away or write it off. None of those options are failure. None of those things are bad. It is far better to give something to charity that you pay 10 pound for, then that's worth 50p than it is to have that laying around your home, making you feel bad because you've not figured out what to do with it yet. It's far better to lose that money and just go, okay, I'm not gonna make that decision again in the future because

Heather Tingle (09:25.218)
Paying for something that didn't work out is a learning curve to be more selective over buying in the future. And I learn as I declared my home that I was really much more selective about what came in because I didn't want to end up in this situation again. And I only want things in my home that are perfect for what I want them for, that I really, love or that I adore in some way. If that stuff isn't gonna do that.

then it's just a thing that happened. It happens to all of us. The best thing you can do now is make a clear decision and move on from it. This decision is never gonna get easier. So make a decision as soon as you can. You do get a header says it's okay, HSIO. It's okay to let go of something that you paid for. The money's already spent. Your home and your head space are worth far more than keeping this annoying thing that you are never gonna use. So if you've got a pile of these, what I'd love you to do

is this week, pick one of them, ask yourself, can I send it back? Can I make it work? Can I let it go? And then act on it. You don't need to tackle everything, but just get that delayed procrastinator decision gone and done, okay? So that is it for today's episode. If this podcast is helping you, then please, please do shout about it to anybody and everybody that will listen.

If you're in Facebook groups and someone asks about decluttering, send them my way, tell them about the podcast, mention it to your friends, mention it to your family, mention it to anybody and everybody you can because I really do want as many people as possible to know all this stuff so they can get untangled. Really wanna create a big movement here. So also, pop into the Facebook group and tell me what item you've made a decision on. I would really love to know what...

what you ended up with. I mean, we can all have a laugh about it as well, quite frankly. Like we could do with those giggles of this is what I thought it was going to be and this is what I turned up. We've all seen them. So bring them in, have a giggle and tell me what you're doing with them. Where are they going? Are they staying and being repurposed? Are they going to charity? What are you going to do with them? So please do keep me updated on that one. So until next time, remember you're not alone. Be kind to yourself and keep untangling.