137 - Why Am I So Frustrated With My Decluttering Progress?

Summary

If you've hit a wall with your decluttering and you're starting to get annoyed at yourself at your lack of progress, this episode is for you. Heather unpacks why lack of progress usually has nothing to do with laziness, and everything to do with what else is going on in your life.

From the aftermath of a heatwave to the stress of everyday life quietly draining your energy, there are so many reasons why progress slows down. And then there's the middle bit: that slog that feels like it goes on forever before the end suddenly appears.

In this episode Heather covers:

• Why your energy is probably being used up elsewhere without you even realising
• The middle bit of a project and why it feels so hard
• Why microcategories are your best friend when you're running low on capacity
• How to track your discards so you can actually see your progress
• Matching your plan to the energy you really have, not the energy you think you should have
• Why rest is not optional, and why giving yourself permission to stop is part of the process

Chapters

00:00
Introduction: Decluttering Frustration and Human Limits

00:27
You Are Not Lazy: Understanding Energy Limits

01:25
External Stressors Impact Decluttering Capacity

02:17
The Effect of Heat and Stress on Functioning

02:45
Life Overloads and Limited Energy for Optional Tasks

03:12
Middle-Project Slumps and Motivation Loss

04:09
The Importance of Micro Categories

06:21
Monitoring Discards to Track Progress

07:12
Reviewing and Adjusting Your Decluttering Plan

08:36
Rest Is Part of the Process

09:31
Upcoming DeclutterCon Event in Sheffield

Mentioned in this episode:

• DeclutterCon 2026, Saturday 10th October, Sheffield. 
• Tickets available now at www.decluttercon.co.uk use code earlybird26 for a discount (for the first 20tickets sold or by the 30th June 2026, whichever comes first)

Transcript

Heather Tingle (00:01.006)
Hello, untanglers. Welcome back to another episode of Decluttering Untangled with me, your host, Heather Tingle. So when you started decluttering, you started so well, you're proper motivated, you've got a plan, you're making progress, and now you start feeling frustrated with yourself because you're just, just not getting it done. And the frustration's making it worse because now you're quite annoyed at yourself on top of being stuck. Okay, this is something that I have heard.

I would say twice in the past couple of weeks. And I thought, actually, do you know what this happens so often? I need to talk to you about it. So let's go through it. First thing to say is, as always, you are not lazy, you are not failing in any way, and you are not back to square one. What you are is human. And we, as humans, have a limited amount of energy, and life has a habit of using

all of it up before we even get to the decluttering part of life. So what I would really like to think about is if you have been going through a period where you've been quite frustrated with your progress, things haven't been moving as quickly as you want them to, you've been struggling a bit, think about what else has been going on in your life right now. Maybe work has been stressful. Has something happened with family, relationships, money, your health?

Have you been sleeping badly? Have you just sat through the week where the UK decided to be 35 degrees and completely unlivable for most people who aren't built for that kind of heat? And I am aware if you are abroad, you'll probably use those temperatures, but we're in the UK, are not set up for that and we do not have air con. So I don't know if that impacted you, but it definitely impacted me because we just had a heat wave where we are and I will tell you for nothing.

Most people are not functioning properly in a heat wave. I definitely was not. I was struggling with sleep and was pretty annoyed and sweaty most of the time. Your brain is using energy, just keeping you together and just getting on with day to day life. So the idea that you're going to sort through a wardrobe in 30 degree heat is a lot to ask yourself. It's not going to happen. So give yourself a break. But outside of the heat,

Heather Tingle (02:24.622)
there's probably other things that are going on as well. There might be what my therapist calls the window of tolerance might be diminished right now. If you've got awful other things that are overwhelming, know, the email hits and you're like, no, what's happened this time or work becomes extra stressful or somebody says something and you take it the wrong way and RSD kicks in because you know, you're extra stressed. You've only got so much energy to go around.

And when life is asking a lot, there isn't anything left over for the things that feel optional. Now, decluttering often feels optional. From my point of view, it is not optional. But when you are desperately wanting to get it done, there can be a part of your brain that thinks, know what, I am dealing with a lot right now. I do not have the energy to do it. So your brain will kind of go, okay, we're gonna sit back down now.

and we're gonna feel terrible about it. And we're gonna sit and scroll on this phone for the next two hours because that's actually all we can cope with right now. So I don't need to feel bad when this happens because your brain is doing what it's meant to do. It's trying to keep you safe and it's trying to conserve energy to get you through the day. But also on top of that is it's very likely that you're in the middle bit. So the middle bit of decluttering is when you start projects, especially decluttering,

You get all motivated, you're like gung ho at it. You're like cracking on, things moving. You're having that blitz that feels really great. And then somewhere in the middle, it shine. The shine that you once had for it, just dulls a little bit. It becomes a bit of a slog. You can't see the end. You feel like you've been at it forever. You've been using so much effort and energy and it feels like it's never going to work out. And you wonder if it's ever gonna look any different.

That's the middle bit and absolutely everybody hits it. And nearly everybody gets this point and wants to stop and thinks, what is the point? This is not working. I'm not getting anywhere. It's not happening quick enough and they get frustrated. The good news is that end that you can't see right now is probably closer than it actually feels because that's the thing about the middle bit.

Heather Tingle (04:53.28)
It always feels like it goes on forever. And then suddenly you get to nearly the end and you're wondering why on earth you were so worried. Like, my word, now I've just got those annoying little bits to do to finish it off. But you've got to get through that point first. And getting through it doesn't mean grinding yourself into the ground and not giving yourself a break. It means being really strategic about it. So what I would really like you to think about is, are you still using your microcategories?

and are those micro categories small enough? Or have you gone, which a lot of people do and think, I know what I'm doing now, I'm cracking on, I'm just going for it. And what you're doing is rooms at a time or drawers at a time, or doing more tidying by picking things up off the floor and moving things around and shuffling than actually working your way religiously through those micro categories. So I talk so much about micro categories in this pod because they are so important.

when you're tired or stressed or lower capacity or spoons, the category, for example, clothes is too big. The category tops might be too big, but the category black work tops with short sleeves is something that you can probably get done and feel like you've achieved when you get to the end of it. And that is progress. And you need to still be aware that doing that little micro category

is moving you so much closer forward than you are noticing right now. You need to be able to see those micro categories getting ticked off or your brain will not believe it is happening. You will just see all the things you haven't done, all the things that are still annoying you and you're gonna wanna give up. I talked about this recently, but are you monitoring your discards?

So this is one of the most underrated things you can do when you're in slump because you might be doing more than you think you are and you're not counting it. The bag by the door, the small pile for the charity shop, the bit of stuff that you shoved in recycling, three things you put in the bin without thinking about it because they were broken and it felt easier to actually discard them now. That is progress. And like I say, even if your home looks worse than it did at the beginning.

Heather Tingle (07:05.25)
you'll never write back at square one again. You've got so much information now in your brain and knowing what works and what doesn't. And every time you let an item go, you're getting closer and closer to the end and it gets easier and easier to do it. So start tracking it, take a photo of the bag before it goes, use the master tracker in your planner. You need evidence that you're moving forward because your brain in this state is not going to be able to give you the benefit of the doubt by just automatically recognising it.

The next thing is looking at your plan. Do you even still have a plan? Because when we go all in, we start off with a plan and then we lose his way sometimes. So have you got a plan right now? And also, have you figured out the next steps? But also, is it realistic for the energy you've got right now? Not the energy you had at the start, not the energy you think you should have, the energy you actually have right now this week. If that's 20 minutes on a Saturday morning before you get wiped out.

great, your plan needs to reflect that. What can you do on Saturday morning for 20 minutes? Because a plan that doesn't match your capacity isn't a motivation problem. It's a planning problem that you setting yourself up to fail. So you need to adjust it. Having a slower, more methodical, smaller category, micro category plan that takes longer to do will get you there quicker than a blitzit plan where you burn out halfway through.

And then finally, the most important part of anything in my world is that rest is not optional. Rest is part of the process. You cannot be productive all the time. And that is something that I now in my late 40s are finally getting my head around. It is not a measure of our worth. It is not how we are meant to work. The expectation that you should be constantly making progress is not reasonable.

and it is not one I'm gonna encourage you to hold on to. Sometimes the most useful thing you can do for you with your decluttering is to go and have a sit down, have a cup of tea and watch something you enjoy and let your brain recover, knowing that you will come back to it when you are ready. Taking a rest does not mean you have given up. You're in the middle, it feels a slog because honestly, it is a slog. I remember it and it felt like it was gonna go on forever.

Heather Tingle (09:30.979)
but it doesn't mean that you're failing, it doesn't mean you're behind, it means you're doing it. And being in it is the only way out of it. So keep your macro categories tiny, track what you're getting rid of, make sure you have a plan of next steps that is small enough and manageable enough to match your real energy, not ideal energy. And please rest when you need to without the guilt.

The tidying will wait, the decluttering will wait, your brain needs it now. There we go. So quickly, one thing before I go, I've got to tell you because I'm so excited, DeclutterCon 2026 tickets are now available. Now this is an event that I have been wanting to run forever because I forget how wonderful it is going to events.

that are neurodivergent friendly and built for my anxious brain when I get to meet the right people in the right place with the right support systems. So if you haven't heard me talk about it yet, DeclutterCon is my event. It is a full day event for those of you wanting to declutter. It's a time for the untangled community to get together. There's gonna be talks, epic talks, connection, a room full of people who totally understand what it feels to live in absolute chaos.

and it's happening on Saturday, the 10th of October in Sheffield. And I would love to see you there. We've got some amazing speakers lined up. Obviously I will be there too. And I really want to meet as many of you lot as possible. So if you head to decluttercon.co.uk, go grab your ticket. There's an early bird offer on as well, so check out. Now, if you are listening from outside of the UK, which I know so many of you do,

I have not forgotten about you either. I am working on something in the background that I can't tell you about yet, but there will be something for you too. So until next time, remember be not alone, be kind to yourself and keep untangling.